Miles to go before I sleep!!!

Most of the important things in this world have been accomplished by people who kept on trying and never quit when there seemed no hope at all “ – Darl Carnegie

Recently I was invited as a guest speaker in one of the webinars arranged by Naval Wives Welfare Association. The subject was about mental health and happiness. There were various trained professionals from the industry who shared insightful information about how to cope up with the current pandemic. I was requested to share my story on the topic of work life balance as well as few important tips, specifically for the women in our fraternity who struggle to get the right opportunities while managing incessant transfers of their spouses and the concomitant uncertainties.

The main motive of my talk was to focus on “Never Give up attitude “where I emphasized on overcoming the challenges and capriciousness associated with Defense Services, especially as wife of a Fauji where most of us start believing that these circumstances would finally put an end to one’s professional aspirations. Although I’m still a novice in this journey and every day is a new experience, I hope that my personal story may in some way provide an insight into the nitty gritty involved in having a fulfilling career as well maintaining a happy family life. I’m delighted to share my story. So here is a gist of what I spoke about.

I am married to a Naval Officer since last 15 years and have over 17 years of hard-core corporate experience in the Project Management field of the Oil & Gas Industry and with God’s grace it’s still counting. I’m an Engineering graduate with a Post Graduate Diploma in Marketing Management. I have also acquired specific certifications relevant to my profile like Project Management Professional (PMP), Agile Methodology, Six Sigma Green Belt, Risk Management etc.

Most importantly, I come from an Army background. My father served as a Doctor in the Indian Army. I grew up along with my two lovely sisters and witnessed the strength of a woman throughout my childhood in the form of my beautiful mother. As everyone knows, Army life is extremely tough with very frequent transfers to remote locations and quite limited access to a regular normal lifestyle. The responsibility of holding the fort strong and tight while my father used to be away for long field tenures was instilled in me by my mother, who almost single handedly raised three daughters, while also being a full-time teacher at Army School. However, I honestly admit that I grew up with a belief that its almost next to impossible to pursue a dream career if one gets married to a Fauji and hence we three sisters decided never to get married to an officer in Defense Services.

As they say “Love is Blind”, I fell in love with a Fauji and also being the eldest daughter, got married pretty early. I had started my career as a Management Trainee at a manufacturing firm in Pune. After getting married I shifted to Mumbai.

Mumbai being the city of dreams, I managed to secure a good job opportunity and continued with my work. I started settling down in the rush of a new city and a happy married life. Soon, I got pregnant and those were one of my toughest days as I used to travel from the southern tip of Mumbai i.e. Colaba and all the way to Kanjurmarg. Those of you, who are familiar with Mumbai local train travel can very well imagine my plight. The amount of extra care I had to take to complete each working day successfully was an achievement by itself. My day started early morning with household chores and preparing breakfast, arranging dozens of tiffin’s for my fitness freak husband, get ready for office, sometimes have my breakfast while travelling in the local train itself, sometimes change two local trains and finally reach office. After a tiring day I used to come back and often attend to the etiquettes of being a Fauji’s wife (official parties, get-togethers and frequent guests at home with customary junior officers barging in the house late at night). However not even once, the thought of quitting work crossed my mind.

I was in my 6th month, when I had to travel to Norway for an important meeting with the client. Though my family was quite apprehensive, I and my husband took a call and I went ahead. Believe me, that was one of my most memorable work trips ever. I continued working till my 8th month and then proceeded on maternity leave. We were blessed with a cute little daughter and my world became even more beautiful. This made me more responsible and the list of chores pre and post office got intensified. To add on to the list of responsibilities, my husband gifted me one of my most precious treasure, a pug puppy – Oscar. At the end of each hectic day cuddles and hugs of my daughter and our furry angel gave me an extra strength to cope up with anything that came my way. Yes, I did ensure that once I reached home, my family got my undivided attention.

Now coming to the field where I work, is an area which has generally been male dominated. There have been actual scenarios when I have been on a site visit inside the refinery, all decked up in a fire-retardant cover all, safety shoes weighing a minimum of 2kg each, safety goggles, helmet etc. and I have come across people around me staring closely to confirm if it’s a female roaming around, as it is very unusual for them. However, times are changing slowly, and more and more women are being recruited in this industry and are working hands in gloves with their male counter parts. The work profile is highly demanding and due to involvement of many stakeholders and huge budget, the pressure is always tremendous.

I have been truly blessed with extraordinarily strong family support, who have helped me sail through the infant raising years of my daughter. So, bringing up my daughter, who is 11 now, has been a combination of family support, very good day cares and extremely loving and sincere maids. This beautiful journey is still on, till my little girl flies away to find her own life, post school era. How can I forget to mention my biggest support, my husband Sudeep, who has always gone the extra mile to stand by me in more than ordinary ways. Here I would definitely accentuate on the fact that even with the uncertainties involved in Defense Services, everything is possible if one has the indomitable spirit to persevere, amalgamated with positive attitude. Undoubtedly, I too had to request for frequent transfers where ever it was feasible. Where it was not, I had to resign and frantically look for another firm. Whenever I settled in a new workplace and almost reached pinnacle of my performance, my husband seemed to get transferred. I don’t remember how many career prospects I have denied by bluntly refusing certain critical deputations. Sudeep and I did have our share of sacrifices too. Certain durations we stayed at different locations and kept meeting every weekend or whenever it was possible. Its indisputably tough for a working couple with series of transfers, waiting for weeks/ months to get a full-fledged accommodation and till then living in suitcases, settling a new house and before you put up your feet to enjoy a cup of tea peacefully, you are asked to move again.

Yes, the career graph may not look the way you might have wanted, but the good part is that at least the graph can exist if you never give up. Your peers may have moved far ahead in their careers, but we do have an unique distinction of supporting the Defense Services and our country without being in uniform by keeping our men at peace w.r.t. family front when they are deployed far away securing our borders/ seas/ air. That’s the reason we are called the Silent Ranks.

So, when you happen to be at a place, where relevant opportunities suiting your skills are not available, do not loose heart and take up whatever small offer comes your way. Your logical mind (or Ego if I may use this word) may resist this regression by taking up trivial work specially when one has been at a certain pay scale and position. The future may look gloomy, and this adds to lot of anxiety in one’s mind. However, it is always important to focus on the larger picture. Trust me, ten years down the line, it won’t even matter. What will matter the most is that there has been continuity in work and that you didn’t give up in adverse conditions. Compensations and designations will follow with good work in the long run.

Hence, having a broader vision is more important than spending energy on short term gains.

One more particularly important dimension is also to keep yourself Industry ready at any given point of time, so that when the right opportunity comes up, you may be handpicked. To accomplish this, one needs to adapt to a lifelong learning appetite. Honing necessary skills with respect to the area of work is highly recommended. Indian Job Industry is also changing with respect to hiring women on a career break, due to various reasons like child rearing, taking care of elders etc. Hence, when one keeps themselves up to date with the necessary learning curve, it exhibits the zeal of continuous improvement as well as reflects very well on the professional aspiration of the individual and makes a mark on a potential employer.

Next very critical point is to never hesitate in seeking out help when its needed. By virtue of being a woman, we are generally shy and over analyze our difficult situations, when all that is needed is a request to the people associated with you (Family, friends etc.) for some support. This goes without saying that your spouse plays the most important role and his buy in should always be ensured. With the extraordinary boom of internet and social media, one can develop a strong network and leverage it in maintaining a professional life. LinkedIn is an immensely powerful professional networking tool, which helps in connecting with numerous people from all walks of life across the globe. As the saying goes, “Every black cloud has a silver lining”. Yes, I’m indicating the big pandemic of this Era – Covid, which is also not an exception to this thought. It has opened doors to ample work-from-home opportunities. One just needs to be alert enough to grab the right prospect.

I completely agree that this journey is not a smooth sail. There will be numerous challenges, but at the end, the sweetness of having it all, will only be yours. You will look back over these years of struggle and sweat with a smile.

To conclude, the key takeaways which I have implemented in my life are as follows: -

1) Wear the Never Give Up attitude on your sleeves always, come what may.

2) Continue taking small steps, rather than not any.

3) Always keep yourself industry ready.

4) Never hesitate to seek support when needed.

5) Always focus on the larger picture and do not let small setbacks demotivate you.

I end this blog with two powerful mantras which keeps me going:

“If you fall behind, run faster, never give up, never surrender and rise up against all odds “

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take “