Clean Home – Happy Home

I recently overheard Neelima speaking to our maid. The maid, it seems, was not well and hence was not coming for work since last two days. So we were managing……..Maids are beyond doubt the most important members in any household. Specially if both the partners are working. This maid was supposed to come after two days but when Neelima rang her up, she said “Madam ek do din rest se theek ho jayungi”. I was certain that Neelima would REQUEST her to come and explain to her the problems we were facing. But Lo and Behold Neelima told her “Tum jab tak man kare rest karo, Saheb hain na…”……What? Did I hear it correct? Returning to my senses, I realized the sad truth and washed up the dishes just to turn back and see there were few more left on the stove…….

I lately heard that one of the things that turns on a woman is ‘A man doing dishes and cleaning home’…….I am not sure if it turns on or not, but definitely it makes your better half happy. PEACE prevails in the house. Thus, a CLEAN house is a HAPPY house….

Mumbai

I was ready to change the world, help the world but NEVER wished to enter the kitchen and help Neelima. Neelima was working and used to travel to as far as Kalina (near airport) from Colaba in local trains, cabs and scooty. We both got up early. I went for my work out and she went ahead with her daily chores of preparing almost six tiffin’s for me (I was on a diet those days with dreams of having a supermodel physique) and other household work. It never seemed to me that myriad house jobs are so important and so tedious…..unless I turned into the head maid recently 😊. It’s not an interesting story but through my blog I thought of accentuating the uncanny knack of women (wife in particular) to change every bit in their husbands and transform them as they had wished their ‘Perfect husband’ to be during their life before the wedding.

For me, those days when we got married, cleaning the house was either switching off the lights or dumping the stuff in less obvious places. Then I came to know that Beer could be used for cleaning the house too. The more I drank Beer, the cleaner the house seemed. But only to me. I too, hated a dirty and disorganized house, but I hated cleaning more than anything. I found it menial and dirty. After working the whole day in office, Neelima used to return home tired and with her frustrated silence she used to start cleaning up the mess and organizing the house. The view of her cleaning the house and cooking for me fascinated me so much that I could sit and watch her for hours. However I had an alibi ready every time Neelima sought my help. I used to tell her that after such a hectic routine, I deserved rest and peace. Somehow, it was an innate ingrained idea that household stuff was never meant for Men…..especially when they have dreams and have to work hard for it!!!! Never did it cross my mind, then, that Neelima too underwent all this and she too deserved rest and peace at home after a long tiring day at a full time corporate job and she too had DREAMS , just like I had!!!

When we moved to Powai, Neelima’s office shifted to Kanjurmarg - barely a few kilometers away from home. Mine was quite far, specially considering the deluged traffic at Mumbai in peak hours. So that increased my expectations to a next level – That NOW Neelima shouldn’t even EXPECT me to do any work in the house (as if I used to do any). Male Chauvinism??? I may not comment on this but I remember that I used to taunt her often that with two maids and her office so nearby, she had so much free time….By that time I got accustomed to our sporadic arguments and her irritations, thanks to my callousness. We often argued trying to find out that who was more stressed and who spends more time in office/ commuting and hence who should clean up Oscar, take him for walk, get Diya ready, play with Diya (these were TASKS for me and if I did any of these by mistake, it would be a big FAVOUR to Neelima). Though we did have dozens of maids then too, but all MAIDS had CHOICES - they could take offs anytime, they could come late etc etc and we didn’t have ANY CHOICE……..we were so busy pursuing our dreams….

Russia

“Either I kick you or Karma”…….Karma had to intervene finally....

Neelima tried everything including Chanakya’s philosophy of “Saam Daam Dand Bhed” to change this aspect of my demeanor, however, Karma secretly watched everything and decided to intervene when the time was appropriate. I got an opportunity to go to Russia for 28 months. Due to the prevailing circumstances at home (Diya’s life getting back to normal post recovery, parents health, Oscar, Neelima’s job etc), it was decided that I will go alone. Neelima was apprehensive if I could survive there alone, however, I assured her that I would manage everything. My friends got the Adrenaline rush when they heard this - imagining what life I would have there – Single and ready to Mingle. With a heavy heart and much against her wishes Neelima bid me farewell at Mumbai airport and it seemed as if the magnanimous Amrish Puri is waving off to Kajol “Jaa Jee Le Apni Zindagi”

Little did I know that KARMA was smiling behind. Unfortunately I could not live up to the fantasies of my friends but for sure, I realized how much important is cooking and household work. Inertia was strong and I managed with boiled eggs and bread and peanut butter for few days. Having turned into a vegan it was extremely difficult, rather impossible, to get any appetizing veg stuff outside. Thus I started my experiments with cooking. Burnt rice and burnt vegetable with either excess salt or no salt were a regular feature. Once I called Neelima and asked “Baby whenever I cook rice or dal, there are insects floating inside”. Only then I was enlightened that one had to wash rice and dal before boiling. Such was my pitiful state.

When I learnt cooking, it was fun. But cooking seemed a trivial task when compared with preparing for any Indian dish (chopping, washing, peeling then deciding which masala to utilize from the huge assortment) and winding up kitchen after cooking. Sometimes after cooking I used to keep staring at my kitchen and wondered how good my kitchen looked before cooking….Thus came out my skills in washing utensils. Since I was alone and had lot of time, cooking and washing utensils became a good pastime and stress buster. I didn’t realize when and how I started loving it. I used to put on music and with my ‘Chai Sutta’ I could cook for hours and for many people. I started my experiments with my Ruski colleagues. They praised my cooking so much, at least after they got drunk. Then I started cooking for my Indian friends and neighbors. They seemed to love the desi tadka style of my cooking and their compliments kept me motivated. There were times when people used to party till 0200/0300 at my house and I used to clean the stuff till early morning (thanks to my upbringing with my mother having OCD and my wife having equal flair, if not more, for keeping the home clean – ALWAYS). Slowly and steadily, cooking, household chores, multi-tasking and juggling with utensils, broom, vacuum cleaner and my ‘Chai Sutta’ became my favorite hobby. I loved it. It gave me a KICK (similar to KICK experienced by Salman Khan in his movie KICK)….to finish household chores and keep the house clean and organized. I was always praised by my Russian maid Valentina (again - a 70 year old sweet woman and not a blue sapphire eye blonde young lady – much to my dismay) that my house was the cleanest and she did not have to do much work. Maids at Severodvinsk, Russia generally used to charge 300/400 Ruble per hour. I have heard at Europe the charges are steeper. I realized how much luxury we upper middle class Indians have wrt maids. Valentina & I used to have chai together (She loved my hand made Indian masala tea). She spoke in Russian and I answered in English and we spoke a lot trying to understand each other. I tried out various dishes (Thanks to You- tube) and it turned out to be good. My only disaster was trying to make Lasagna for my Russian friend which of course she didn’t have inspite of me telling her that I took three hours to cook this and six hours to clean the kitchen….

Back to India

Neelima realized that her inadvertent risk of sending me alone to Russia for nearly two and half years paid off well, once she saw me working in the kitchen without any instructions. Slowly the master plan materialized when most of the household chores became my responsibility. Neelima commuted for almost three hours daily in Pune along with her taxing job. In Vizag, she plunged into a far more challenging job in an industry which is completely male dominated. So most of the time she is either at site (Oil & Gas refinery) or in meetings and as luck would have it, I am comparatively far more free and have a relaxed routine presently.

Neelima, perhaps, waited for this perfect blend – my relaxed routine at office, my training at Russia, my self-motivation and enthusiasm to do household chores. With Neelima’s toughest routine ever on work front, she had an upper hand. Yet being compassionate, she delegated certain jobs as MY responsibility. So that WE ALL KEEP LIVING HAPPILY AND PEACEFULLY EVER AFTER…..Morning and Evening walk of Oscar, cleaning him, ironing Diya’s uniform, dropping her for school, preparing Oscar’s food and make him eat – my early morning responsibility (my cherished long runs have vanished into thin air). Sometimes I have to coax Oscar to eat his mashed chicken/ egg and chapati and boiled carrots, potatoes etc by taking the food in my palm and pampering him as a typical Bengali mom “ Shona Babu, who is my good boy…..come and have your food”. Oscar is one of the pampered pets who, I guess, still doesn’t know that he is a dog. Then clean him again and do my puja and proceed to office. Winding up and clearing the mess in Diya’s room, thousand times, is my responsibility. Sunday dinner (because maid doesn’t come), making Neelima’s Vodka lemonade and Diya’s drink on Saturday evening’s, Saturday morning b’fast (since Neelima works on Saturday and I am at home), switching on Neelima’s dozens of ‘Yellow light lamps’ EVERY EVENING, organizing the house, Oscar’s bath once a week ensued by washing his clothes, buying vegetables/ grocery, giving clothes to dhobi for ironing, arranging fridge, liaising with various agencies for work at home and the list goes on (not much though😊) – is MY responsibility.

When the maid doesn’t come, I won’t elaborate further since publishing of this blog is also subject to scrutiny😊Often when I am in a meeting, my KILL MOMENT sms comes with a long list of household jobs and I amend my office routine accordingly…..I once called up my Father and he said “Bunty I am a little busy, can I call you in an hour?” I said ofcourse Bapi but is everything fine? He said “All is well, just that the maid has not come today”……..Big silence and I hang up the phone immediately realizing his predicament. However I was satisfied that I am not the only one…..

Neelima’s expectation from me has expectedly increased. Whilst I was writing this blog, Neelima came back from office and said “Sudeep, my friend has sent me a gift. Is any courier lying unopened?” I said “Amazon delivery comes every day since you order every day, sometimes three four packets, and I open them regularly and keep the stuff in required place and the waste boxes in the dustbin. Today I got late, I will open all packets within an hour…..” Neelima often says in Orriya “Lakshmi chada Prakurti” which means Goddess Lakhsmi will not stay in the house if the house is cluttered. I, for sure, don’t take panga with Mother Lakshmi. However, these Laws derived by Neelima with her mysterious knowledge of space (Women know everything – from music to sports to how to drive a car and how much to talk, what to wear, what looks good on you….they know more about you than you yourself do) doesn’t apply to her. Saturday evening with a Vodka in her hand and her late night movies, she perhaps forgets winding up the room (it must be a deal with Lakhsmi Maa and Neeli Maa). But Goddess Lakhsmi is sure to return on Sunday morning to ensure that I better do the task…or else She goes!!!

Not Being Sarcastic😉

I am really very happy that I am able to contribute at home front too. I realize that men, too, have an equal role and responsibility in the house. Specially when I see Diya, I always wish that she never has a husband like me which I was few years back. I want her husband to help her and realize that household work is not a joke. It takes a lot of effort – to cook for your loved ones, to keep the house clean, to clean the dirty plates, to clean the filthy bins and many many other endless activities. This has made me realize that so many women, including my mother and aunts, have been working incessantly for years. The least, I guess, a man can give them is respect, appreciation and love.

The biggest sense of satisfaction is when Diya or Neelima praise my cooking or the neatness in the house. All the efforts are then worth it. The irony of housework is, no one notices when you do it, everyone notices when you don’t do it. Another interesting irony is that people who clear our dirts (washing toilets and kitchen with left over food) are called dirty…..So we have started rinsing the utensils with water before keeping them to be washed by our maids. These small elements for the sake of humanity was made to learn by the mighty KARMA…..and thus social service NOW begins at home.

With Neelima and I working together in the kitchen and house, all household work gets completed faster. We get time to sit down and talk, go for walks, watch a movie together and pursue our hobbies. Certainly my favorite hobby is…..Keeping the HOME CLEAN and ORGANISED (not being sarcastic😉).